pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
