At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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