Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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