he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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