Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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