I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
