were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
