so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
