my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
