I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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