He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
