Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
