Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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