Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
