It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
