chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
