shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
