walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
