So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dignity is for republicans.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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