I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
