C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize