Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
