i just had sex bonerless
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize