ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
