I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
