If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
