I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
