Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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