Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
