he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
