HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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