ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
