I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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