Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"it" just moved
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
