Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
