zippers are such a cool invention
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
