Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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