Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
