toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
