we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
