On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
