And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
