she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
