Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
