He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
