A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize