Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if only i could text you this smell
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
