why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
