You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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