Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There r osticjed everywhere
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
