He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
