She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
