my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In other news, I just burned my penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
