I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
