my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
