hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
