Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
