we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
