I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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