found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
