found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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