just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
