Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
be right there i have to get my cape
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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