I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
