I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want to make out with him forever
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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