There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
