Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
